this is not alex (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
thisisalex) wrote2008-02-08 12:57 am
thisisalex) wrote2008-02-08 12:57 am
(no subject)
Prompt: Don't Hold Your Breath by CKY
Character: Wampa Jones.
Summary: Wampa and the resolution of his fight with Evan. And it's kind of fucking long and overuses the word fuck.A LOT LIKE ME.
Buzz. Buzz. Buzz.
Buzz. Buzz. Buzz.
Buzz. Buzz. Bu—
"Hello?" The quick vibrations of the thin, black mobile phone, cast carelessly aside on a semi-empty bedside table in a half-silent private hospital room, were abruptly cut off. The owner, a very tired and mildly disoriented Zygimantas Elyashkevich-Juozapavicius (a.k.a. Zyg to those with tongues not accustomed to spitting out the names thought up by sadistic Lithuanians, and Wampa to those who only thought in terms of Star Wars), held the phone to his ear with one hand, rubbing his eyes with the palm of his free hand in an attempt to wake himself up quicker.
There was silence on the other end.
"Hello hello?" Wampa repeated his greeting, and leaned his head against the wall, next to which his strangely comfortable chair had been shoved.
"Hey." A response from the other end at long last. The reception in the hospital room wasn't the greatest, making the voice on the phone sound distant and vaguely digital, but, pulling the phone away from his ear just long enough to see the caller ID and confirm his suspicions, it was Wampa's turn to be silent. It was Evan. His boyfriend. And they were currently on Day Four of not talking following a major blowout between the two of them.
Wampa took a second to catch his breath, finally sputtering out an eloquent, "Yeah. Hey." There was a short pause, and Wampa looked around at the prone figure of his brother, Ani, in his hospital bed, Ani's girlfriend, curled up on his bed with him, and his older brother, Boba, heading back from the vending machines just down the hall from them. "Hey, hang on a sec, the service sucks in here so let me find a better signal."
Jumping up from his chair and abandoning the comfort, Wampa threw open the door to the hospital room, shoved past Boba, and sprinted down the hall towards the stairs and elevators. Of course, Wampa had spent enough time in this hospital to know which was faster, and practically leaped down the stairs to the first floor, where service seemed to improve just a little more. Wampa put the phone back up to his ear as he continued to wander towards the parking lot, where he could at least hear better if he couldn't get better reception.
"Hey, you still there?" he asked quietly, trying to ignore the pounding in his chest. He couldn't quite tell if it was the running or his nerves that was causing it.
"I, uh, yeah, yeah, I'm still here," Evan replied. Wampa could practically hear his heart pounding in his throat, too.
"Oh, good. Um. Why, um—"
"Did you just wake up Z?" Wampa smiled and set himself down on an empty bench outside. He was so grateful it had been a nice day; that chair was pretty comfortable, but that hospital room was damn cold.
"Yeah, I did actually. The phone scared the shit out of me when you called."
"You're not in Lithuania are you? Since when do you sleep in the middle of the day?" Wampa had to admit, Evan was a quick study. The two had only been living together for a few weeks now, but already Evan had Wampa's usual schedules for each day of the week memorized, and knew pretty much what the right time to call and bug him might be. Predictably enough, checking his watch, Wampa saw that this was normally the time of day when he was just coming home from work, and he would collapse on the couch and stare at the television for the next hour and a half. Yes, he really did lead one exciting life.
"Actually I am, but I'm at the hospital and my schedule's been completely thrown off anyways. I must have just dozed off in a chair." Pause.
"Hospital?"
"Everything's fine."
"Your brother?" Wampa bit his lip. The members of the Jones family were ten very familiar faces around the hospitals in the area. Not only was their grandfather the chief of medicine at this particular hospital, but each of the passle of kids tended to get sick, get hurt, hurt each other, get check ups, and everything else that children and teenagers are likely to do that might land them in the hospital, on a regular enough basis to keep the place afloat, and probably pay for a new wing while they were at it. For the past year or so, though, they had become almost permanent fixtures there. Following the second oldest, Azuolas' (or Ani's), severe motorcycle accident in Portugal, the herd had been back time and time again, accompanying their brother as he came in for another procedure, or another check up. Evan, of course, having been a member of that herd for a few years now, knew what was going on.
"Yeah."
"How is he?"
"He pulled through."
"Pulled through? He went in last Wednesday didn't he?"
"Yeah. There were some complications, but whatever, he's okay now. Ish. Okay-ish. But it's not just him."
"Are you okay?" Wampa sighed. Evan shut his mouth.
"Mum went into labour right after they told us he'd be okay."
"Jesus Christ."
"Yeah." Another silence. Wampa chewed on his lip, and he could tell Evan was picking at his jeans on the other end. He knew his tics, just like Evan probably knew his just as well. "Why did you call?" Evan was silent. Wampa said nothing as he waited.
"Because it fucking sucks to fight?" Evan said after nearly thirty seconds of painful silence. "Because I knew your brother was going into the hospital and you would be on edge and stressed as it was, and I still basically gave you an ultimatum? I won't fucking say I was completely wrong, but I want to actually talk about this with you, not have this end in throwing shit at each other's heads and you disappearing to god knows fucking where for days at a time."
Wampa took a breath. "Is your sister there?"
"Yeah. She's in the living room, I'm hiding out in the bedroom to talk." Wampa sighed. Evan's sister had been what had started the fight between them in the first place: she had needed a place to stay while she was in town, and her little brother's place was the ideal alternative to a hotel. Unfortunately, the said sister didn't know her little brother was gay, and that his flatmate was actually his boyfriend — and, since Evan's own parents had sent him onto the streets for his lifestyle choice, Evan had nursed very few hopes that his sister wouldn't feel the same way, — which posed a few problems. Instead of coming out to her before he was ready, Evan's idea of remedying the situation was for he and Wampa to pretend they were nothing more than flatmates and old buddies while she was in town, while Wampa, already knowing his brother was going to be in the hospital, and that stress levels would be high, thought he should tell her he was gay before she even came into town. That way, whether or not she came, the two of them wouldn't have to pretend they weren't together. Neither of them were very happy with the alternative suggested, and, following a massive fight, Evan simply told Wampa that maybe he just shouldn't come home while his sister was visiting, and then maybe he wouldn't feel all this stress he kept bitching about.
They didn't speak for four days.
"Come down here. Just tell her you need to visit a friend in the hospital. Fuck, Ani's your friend, so it's not like it's a fucking lie."
"You sure?"
"You said you wanted to talk. I'm out in the parking lot."
"I'll be there in ten."
Evan flipped his phone shut and rolled himself off the bed, towards the door, and stumbled out into the living room. He spotted the figure of his sister, Kelly, stretched out on the couch before the television, lazily flipping through channels to no apparent avail. Of course, Evan could tell she had been straining to hear his phone conversation (and had probably caught about half of what had been said) before he hung up. That didn't put him mildly on edge or anything.
"Who were you talking to?" she asked before he could even say a word.
"A friend." A smirk spread across her face. She thought it was a girl -- he could tell by the look in her eyes. Well, she was at least kind of in the ball park. "Hey, Kel, I have to go for a little bit. My flatmate's brother's in the hospital, which is where he's been like all week, so I'm gonna go visit him."
Kelly's head whipped around to look at her brother. "Is everything all right?" Evan paused a moment.
"I hope so. We hope so. I'll catch ya later."
~*~
It was getting dark already. Either it was getting dark a hell of a lot earlier than Wampa was used to these days, or Wampa's watch was off. The latter was actually a very distinct possibility. He had been bouncing back and forth between countries and time zones for the past few days, and every once in a while, his phone decided to change with the time zone, or he changed his watch to match, and forgot to change it back. His schedule had been so thrown off over the past few days, as he sporadically attended class and just told his employers to take this out of his vacation time; Wampa just kept waiting for something normal to put him back on track. The question was whether Evan could pull that off, or just throw him for even more of a loop.
After all, Wampa and Evan didn't exactly have the most ideally stable relationship. It wasn't that their relationship wasn't strong, and it certainly wasn't an open relationship, or extended one night stand, or anything like that. No, Wampa loved Evan, and they had been together for three years for a reason, but when the two disagreed on something of importance to either of them, compromise became a forgotten art, and a massive fight usually ensued. Over the past three years, four of these fights had led to the couple splitting for at least a month. They weren't even at one week now, and it still sucked.
Wampa sighed and pulled out a cigarette. He wasn't a heavy smoker, but he had picked up the habit from Ani when he was still in the age of big brother admiration and Ani was the nearest brother to admire and emulate, and had never really bothered to drop it. After all, Wampa had bigger things on his mind most of the time, and when he found himself a free moment, he wasn't going to ruin it with an attempt to discard a lousy habit. Allowing the cigarette to hang between his lips, Wampa stuck his hand in his back pocket and pulled out his Bic lighter. It was running low on lighter fluid, but it was sure to give him one last spark. One flick, two flick, three flicks later, and a small flame shot up from the thin, blue lighter in his hands.
"You know, I was totally going to swoop in and light that for you when the lighter didn't work." Wampa looked up. A small smile began to spread across his face. Evan stood before him, a bashful smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth, hands shoved deep in the pockets of his jeans, and the setting sun at his back, silhouetting his form. Wampa just had to laugh a little.
"I've been smoking since I was 14. I can get your pants to light if I want a smoke." Evan let out a small, nearly silent laugh. "Sit down. This whole thing's giving me a superhero risen from the dead kind of vibe and it's kinda creepy." He nodded, and Wampa moved over on the bench to allow him to sit down on his right. Evan bit his lip, glancing sideways at Wampa.
"So, um. How've you been?"
"Not great." Evan nodded again. That was understandable. After all, hospitals sucked just by their very nature. "You?"
"I miss you." Wampa's heart skipped a beat. His smile widened. "I really did mean to lead up to something like that, but whatever. It's just not right without you at home."
"Does she know?" Evan sighed and shook his head almost reluctantly. It was a question he had been expecting, one he still couldn't bring himself to budge on; he felt so unprepared facing the same issue with no new arguments, but he couldn't just sit around and wait for a new argument to develop before he talked to Wampa again.
"I don't know what to do Zyg."
"I've told you what to do." There was a pause as the two tried to prevent another fight.
"It's not that easy for me, Zyg. I can't just come out and say it."
"And I can't pretend to be someone I'm not. I left that behind ages ago, Ev."
"You don't have to pretend! You can still be you, you can still be the exact same person you are and always fucking have been Zyg."
"Except your boyfriend," Wampa snarled and jumped up from his seat to walk around the back of the bench. "I can't sleep in my own bed, I have to watch my every move, how close I am to you, what I say, what I imply. I have school, I have a job, I have my fucking family, I can't make keeping you in the closet my full time fucking job, Evan!"
"So then what?" Evan turned around on the bench to look at Wampa, a look that was both pleading and angry in his eyes. "You can't put that much fucking effort into me and you? You can't take a step outside of yourself and look at how fucking difficult this is for me? Why don't you tell me just how much effort you're willing to put into us so I don't look like an idiot clinging to something that just isn't there?"
"I can fucking see how difficult it is, Ev. I had to come out too, but I fucking did it and I didn't bitch and moan and pussyfoot around for three fucking years, sneaking my boyfriend into my room. I told my family, I didn't hide out until they found out."
"FUCK YOU." Evan stood up from the bench and took a step backwards, his eyes still glued to Wampa and his breaths coming shakily. "It was fucking easy for you. Your parents are open minded, they've been through all this. You came out to them and they gave you a hug and fucking biscuits. My parents found out and they kicked me out! They haven't talked to me since then, they've practically disowned me, Zyg."
"Well, you know how I feel about them," Wampa muttered under his breath. "I don't even see why you care about them." Wampa shook his head and turned his back to Evan, resting on the back of the bench almost nonchalantly. "They fucking disowned their own son for being in love. How are those even parents?"
"They're my parents, and it's my fucking family. Of all people, you should understand family."
"For the love of FUCK Evan." Wampa stepped away from the bench again, and wished he had something to throw, just to illustrate his frustration with the entire situation. Why was it so impossible to get him to see his side? Wampa was the experienced one on this matter, he had been there, done that, got the t-shirt. True, his family had been a little more open minded about it all, but the thought of stepping into the unknown, and telling his parents, his siblings, his friends at school, that he was gay, had been terrifying to him at the time. He understood where Evan was coming from, and had considered his viewpoint, so why the fuck wasn't Evan conceding at all? "Your sister's going to find out one way or another anyways. Fuck, she'll probably guess it when she sees that you're living with a gay man and haven't had a fucking girlfriend in half a decade. Why not be in control of the situation? Tell her we're not just fucking, it's not a phase, it's not experimenting. I love you, and I sure as fuck hope you love me, too, and this is a serious, committed relationship."
There was silence as Wampa waited for a response, and Evan didn't give him one.
"What now? Are you ashamed? You're GAY, Evan, G-A-Y. You're a fucking flamer, you're queer, here and everyone's gotta fucking get used to it or blow the fuck off. If it's religion, trust me when I say you can reconcile faith with your sexuality, if it's your sister's reaction, if she loves you as much as you love her, she'll come around. I want you to be happy and true to yourself, and you can't do that if you're hiding out like this!"
"Why don't you let me decide what's good for me and what'll make me happy, Zyg?"
"If you think staying in the closet is going to make you happier one of these days, well... don't hold your breath for long. I can't do this forever."
"YOU CAN'T EVEN DO IT ONCE."
"EXACTLY. I WON'T FUCKING ENABLE THIS."
"YOU WON'T FUCKING HELP ME."
"FUCK!"
The sun had gone down already, and the parking lot they still stood in had become strangely silent; the only sound, aside from the distant sounds of sirens as they came hurtling towards the hospital, was the heavy breathing of the two men standing apart, staring each other down.
"Fucking hell," Wampa choked out. "I don't know what to do here."
"She'll be out of town in a day or two Zyg," Evan sighed and took a step towards the bench. "And Ani's gonna be out of the hospital soon. Everything will die down again and we won't have to worry about it."
"This isn't the only time she'll come to town, and Ani will be in and out of the hospital for fucking ages. He's got at least three more of these procedures at the best, and I still don't think he'll ever walk again. How am I supposed to deal with her when she shows up if you don't handle this now?"
"She's my sister. Not yours. Let me decide how to deal with her."
Wampa was silent. And he wasn't entirely sure why. Perhaps it was because, for the past year or so, Wampa had seen Evan as a member of his family. His parents were as good as Evan's, his brothers and sisters practically his as well; there was no difference to his parents whether or not they had raised him or whether he was legally theirs, because Evan was as good as a son-in-law, which was the same as a son in the Jones' house. But, apparently, Evan didn't see Wampa the same way. Or maybe he just wasn't as serious as Wampa had thought he was in the first place.
A buzzing sound came from the bench. Wampa turned around. His phone was ringing.
"Fuck." He reached down and grabbed the phone off the bench. "Yeah?" A pause. "I'll be right up, Dad."
"What?" An urgent tone came into Evan's voice as he watched Wampa's brief phone conversation. "Is everything all right?"
"What do you think Evan?" Wampa sounded defeated as he looked back towards the main hospital building, and the ambulance that was peeling into the emergency room entrance. "After a fucking week of complications with Ani, he just keeps on fucking going."
"Hang on, I'll go with you."
"Why? There's no reason for you to come along." Wampa spit out his words spitefully. Evan looked dumbfounded. "He's my brother. Not yours."
"He's also my fucking friend, and if you're going to turn down any civil moment between us, then I don't know why I even try. Why have I fucking begged you to come back to me four times already? Why do I do this to myself when you have never returned the fucking favour Zyg? I love you, but I don't think you really love me back."
Wampa sighed angrily and clenched his fists. "FUCK," he screamed out again, and hurled his phone as hard as he could across the dark parking lot. It landed several yards away, and immediately shattered. Oh well. He could always get a new one. "For Christ's sake Evan. What the fuck is wrong with us? What's to become of us if our fights just turn into who can hurt each other more?"
"We're guys. I think it's just what we do."
"I miss you Evan." Wampa took a deep breath before continuing. His throat was starting to feel blocked, and Wampa was afraid he might actually start to cry. "Fuck, I miss you. I've been a fucking mess and impossible to deal with without you. And god damnit, I refuse to fucking cry right now." A smile broke out on Evan's face and he took a step toward Wampa. "I basically just plain suck without you. I love you Evan, and --" Before Wampa could continue, he was cut off by Evan's lips against his.
"I love you too," Evan whispered as he pulled away. "And I need you around. We can figure something out. I hope."
"How many more days until your sister's gone?"
"Day after tomorrow. But that doesn't matter, what's wrong with Ani?" Wampa grinned and grabbed Evan's hand to pull him towards the main hospital building.
"He fell out of his bed. He actually should have been released about a week ago, but he tried to take his chair down the stairs and fell out then, too. Come on, we've been giving him lots of shit for it, and you have to join in."
Character: Wampa Jones.
Summary: Wampa and the resolution of his fight with Evan. And it's kind of fucking long and overuses the word fuck.
Buzz. Buzz. Buzz.
Buzz. Buzz. Buzz.
Buzz. Buzz. Bu—
"Hello?" The quick vibrations of the thin, black mobile phone, cast carelessly aside on a semi-empty bedside table in a half-silent private hospital room, were abruptly cut off. The owner, a very tired and mildly disoriented Zygimantas Elyashkevich-Juozapavicius (a.k.a. Zyg to those with tongues not accustomed to spitting out the names thought up by sadistic Lithuanians, and Wampa to those who only thought in terms of Star Wars), held the phone to his ear with one hand, rubbing his eyes with the palm of his free hand in an attempt to wake himself up quicker.
There was silence on the other end.
"Hello hello?" Wampa repeated his greeting, and leaned his head against the wall, next to which his strangely comfortable chair had been shoved.
"Hey." A response from the other end at long last. The reception in the hospital room wasn't the greatest, making the voice on the phone sound distant and vaguely digital, but, pulling the phone away from his ear just long enough to see the caller ID and confirm his suspicions, it was Wampa's turn to be silent. It was Evan. His boyfriend. And they were currently on Day Four of not talking following a major blowout between the two of them.
Wampa took a second to catch his breath, finally sputtering out an eloquent, "Yeah. Hey." There was a short pause, and Wampa looked around at the prone figure of his brother, Ani, in his hospital bed, Ani's girlfriend, curled up on his bed with him, and his older brother, Boba, heading back from the vending machines just down the hall from them. "Hey, hang on a sec, the service sucks in here so let me find a better signal."
Jumping up from his chair and abandoning the comfort, Wampa threw open the door to the hospital room, shoved past Boba, and sprinted down the hall towards the stairs and elevators. Of course, Wampa had spent enough time in this hospital to know which was faster, and practically leaped down the stairs to the first floor, where service seemed to improve just a little more. Wampa put the phone back up to his ear as he continued to wander towards the parking lot, where he could at least hear better if he couldn't get better reception.
"Hey, you still there?" he asked quietly, trying to ignore the pounding in his chest. He couldn't quite tell if it was the running or his nerves that was causing it.
"I, uh, yeah, yeah, I'm still here," Evan replied. Wampa could practically hear his heart pounding in his throat, too.
"Oh, good. Um. Why, um—"
"Did you just wake up Z?" Wampa smiled and set himself down on an empty bench outside. He was so grateful it had been a nice day; that chair was pretty comfortable, but that hospital room was damn cold.
"Yeah, I did actually. The phone scared the shit out of me when you called."
"You're not in Lithuania are you? Since when do you sleep in the middle of the day?" Wampa had to admit, Evan was a quick study. The two had only been living together for a few weeks now, but already Evan had Wampa's usual schedules for each day of the week memorized, and knew pretty much what the right time to call and bug him might be. Predictably enough, checking his watch, Wampa saw that this was normally the time of day when he was just coming home from work, and he would collapse on the couch and stare at the television for the next hour and a half. Yes, he really did lead one exciting life.
"Actually I am, but I'm at the hospital and my schedule's been completely thrown off anyways. I must have just dozed off in a chair." Pause.
"Hospital?"
"Everything's fine."
"Your brother?" Wampa bit his lip. The members of the Jones family were ten very familiar faces around the hospitals in the area. Not only was their grandfather the chief of medicine at this particular hospital, but each of the passle of kids tended to get sick, get hurt, hurt each other, get check ups, and everything else that children and teenagers are likely to do that might land them in the hospital, on a regular enough basis to keep the place afloat, and probably pay for a new wing while they were at it. For the past year or so, though, they had become almost permanent fixtures there. Following the second oldest, Azuolas' (or Ani's), severe motorcycle accident in Portugal, the herd had been back time and time again, accompanying their brother as he came in for another procedure, or another check up. Evan, of course, having been a member of that herd for a few years now, knew what was going on.
"Yeah."
"How is he?"
"He pulled through."
"Pulled through? He went in last Wednesday didn't he?"
"Yeah. There were some complications, but whatever, he's okay now. Ish. Okay-ish. But it's not just him."
"Are you okay?" Wampa sighed. Evan shut his mouth.
"Mum went into labour right after they told us he'd be okay."
"Jesus Christ."
"Yeah." Another silence. Wampa chewed on his lip, and he could tell Evan was picking at his jeans on the other end. He knew his tics, just like Evan probably knew his just as well. "Why did you call?" Evan was silent. Wampa said nothing as he waited.
"Because it fucking sucks to fight?" Evan said after nearly thirty seconds of painful silence. "Because I knew your brother was going into the hospital and you would be on edge and stressed as it was, and I still basically gave you an ultimatum? I won't fucking say I was completely wrong, but I want to actually talk about this with you, not have this end in throwing shit at each other's heads and you disappearing to god knows fucking where for days at a time."
Wampa took a breath. "Is your sister there?"
"Yeah. She's in the living room, I'm hiding out in the bedroom to talk." Wampa sighed. Evan's sister had been what had started the fight between them in the first place: she had needed a place to stay while she was in town, and her little brother's place was the ideal alternative to a hotel. Unfortunately, the said sister didn't know her little brother was gay, and that his flatmate was actually his boyfriend — and, since Evan's own parents had sent him onto the streets for his lifestyle choice, Evan had nursed very few hopes that his sister wouldn't feel the same way, — which posed a few problems. Instead of coming out to her before he was ready, Evan's idea of remedying the situation was for he and Wampa to pretend they were nothing more than flatmates and old buddies while she was in town, while Wampa, already knowing his brother was going to be in the hospital, and that stress levels would be high, thought he should tell her he was gay before she even came into town. That way, whether or not she came, the two of them wouldn't have to pretend they weren't together. Neither of them were very happy with the alternative suggested, and, following a massive fight, Evan simply told Wampa that maybe he just shouldn't come home while his sister was visiting, and then maybe he wouldn't feel all this stress he kept bitching about.
They didn't speak for four days.
"Come down here. Just tell her you need to visit a friend in the hospital. Fuck, Ani's your friend, so it's not like it's a fucking lie."
"You sure?"
"You said you wanted to talk. I'm out in the parking lot."
"I'll be there in ten."
Evan flipped his phone shut and rolled himself off the bed, towards the door, and stumbled out into the living room. He spotted the figure of his sister, Kelly, stretched out on the couch before the television, lazily flipping through channels to no apparent avail. Of course, Evan could tell she had been straining to hear his phone conversation (and had probably caught about half of what had been said) before he hung up. That didn't put him mildly on edge or anything.
"Who were you talking to?" she asked before he could even say a word.
"A friend." A smirk spread across her face. She thought it was a girl -- he could tell by the look in her eyes. Well, she was at least kind of in the ball park. "Hey, Kel, I have to go for a little bit. My flatmate's brother's in the hospital, which is where he's been like all week, so I'm gonna go visit him."
Kelly's head whipped around to look at her brother. "Is everything all right?" Evan paused a moment.
"I hope so. We hope so. I'll catch ya later."
It was getting dark already. Either it was getting dark a hell of a lot earlier than Wampa was used to these days, or Wampa's watch was off. The latter was actually a very distinct possibility. He had been bouncing back and forth between countries and time zones for the past few days, and every once in a while, his phone decided to change with the time zone, or he changed his watch to match, and forgot to change it back. His schedule had been so thrown off over the past few days, as he sporadically attended class and just told his employers to take this out of his vacation time; Wampa just kept waiting for something normal to put him back on track. The question was whether Evan could pull that off, or just throw him for even more of a loop.
After all, Wampa and Evan didn't exactly have the most ideally stable relationship. It wasn't that their relationship wasn't strong, and it certainly wasn't an open relationship, or extended one night stand, or anything like that. No, Wampa loved Evan, and they had been together for three years for a reason, but when the two disagreed on something of importance to either of them, compromise became a forgotten art, and a massive fight usually ensued. Over the past three years, four of these fights had led to the couple splitting for at least a month. They weren't even at one week now, and it still sucked.
Wampa sighed and pulled out a cigarette. He wasn't a heavy smoker, but he had picked up the habit from Ani when he was still in the age of big brother admiration and Ani was the nearest brother to admire and emulate, and had never really bothered to drop it. After all, Wampa had bigger things on his mind most of the time, and when he found himself a free moment, he wasn't going to ruin it with an attempt to discard a lousy habit. Allowing the cigarette to hang between his lips, Wampa stuck his hand in his back pocket and pulled out his Bic lighter. It was running low on lighter fluid, but it was sure to give him one last spark. One flick, two flick, three flicks later, and a small flame shot up from the thin, blue lighter in his hands.
"You know, I was totally going to swoop in and light that for you when the lighter didn't work." Wampa looked up. A small smile began to spread across his face. Evan stood before him, a bashful smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth, hands shoved deep in the pockets of his jeans, and the setting sun at his back, silhouetting his form. Wampa just had to laugh a little.
"I've been smoking since I was 14. I can get your pants to light if I want a smoke." Evan let out a small, nearly silent laugh. "Sit down. This whole thing's giving me a superhero risen from the dead kind of vibe and it's kinda creepy." He nodded, and Wampa moved over on the bench to allow him to sit down on his right. Evan bit his lip, glancing sideways at Wampa.
"So, um. How've you been?"
"Not great." Evan nodded again. That was understandable. After all, hospitals sucked just by their very nature. "You?"
"I miss you." Wampa's heart skipped a beat. His smile widened. "I really did mean to lead up to something like that, but whatever. It's just not right without you at home."
"Does she know?" Evan sighed and shook his head almost reluctantly. It was a question he had been expecting, one he still couldn't bring himself to budge on; he felt so unprepared facing the same issue with no new arguments, but he couldn't just sit around and wait for a new argument to develop before he talked to Wampa again.
"I don't know what to do Zyg."
"I've told you what to do." There was a pause as the two tried to prevent another fight.
"It's not that easy for me, Zyg. I can't just come out and say it."
"And I can't pretend to be someone I'm not. I left that behind ages ago, Ev."
"You don't have to pretend! You can still be you, you can still be the exact same person you are and always fucking have been Zyg."
"Except your boyfriend," Wampa snarled and jumped up from his seat to walk around the back of the bench. "I can't sleep in my own bed, I have to watch my every move, how close I am to you, what I say, what I imply. I have school, I have a job, I have my fucking family, I can't make keeping you in the closet my full time fucking job, Evan!"
"So then what?" Evan turned around on the bench to look at Wampa, a look that was both pleading and angry in his eyes. "You can't put that much fucking effort into me and you? You can't take a step outside of yourself and look at how fucking difficult this is for me? Why don't you tell me just how much effort you're willing to put into us so I don't look like an idiot clinging to something that just isn't there?"
"I can fucking see how difficult it is, Ev. I had to come out too, but I fucking did it and I didn't bitch and moan and pussyfoot around for three fucking years, sneaking my boyfriend into my room. I told my family, I didn't hide out until they found out."
"FUCK YOU." Evan stood up from the bench and took a step backwards, his eyes still glued to Wampa and his breaths coming shakily. "It was fucking easy for you. Your parents are open minded, they've been through all this. You came out to them and they gave you a hug and fucking biscuits. My parents found out and they kicked me out! They haven't talked to me since then, they've practically disowned me, Zyg."
"Well, you know how I feel about them," Wampa muttered under his breath. "I don't even see why you care about them." Wampa shook his head and turned his back to Evan, resting on the back of the bench almost nonchalantly. "They fucking disowned their own son for being in love. How are those even parents?"
"They're my parents, and it's my fucking family. Of all people, you should understand family."
"For the love of FUCK Evan." Wampa stepped away from the bench again, and wished he had something to throw, just to illustrate his frustration with the entire situation. Why was it so impossible to get him to see his side? Wampa was the experienced one on this matter, he had been there, done that, got the t-shirt. True, his family had been a little more open minded about it all, but the thought of stepping into the unknown, and telling his parents, his siblings, his friends at school, that he was gay, had been terrifying to him at the time. He understood where Evan was coming from, and had considered his viewpoint, so why the fuck wasn't Evan conceding at all? "Your sister's going to find out one way or another anyways. Fuck, she'll probably guess it when she sees that you're living with a gay man and haven't had a fucking girlfriend in half a decade. Why not be in control of the situation? Tell her we're not just fucking, it's not a phase, it's not experimenting. I love you, and I sure as fuck hope you love me, too, and this is a serious, committed relationship."
There was silence as Wampa waited for a response, and Evan didn't give him one.
"What now? Are you ashamed? You're GAY, Evan, G-A-Y. You're a fucking flamer, you're queer, here and everyone's gotta fucking get used to it or blow the fuck off. If it's religion, trust me when I say you can reconcile faith with your sexuality, if it's your sister's reaction, if she loves you as much as you love her, she'll come around. I want you to be happy and true to yourself, and you can't do that if you're hiding out like this!"
"Why don't you let me decide what's good for me and what'll make me happy, Zyg?"
"If you think staying in the closet is going to make you happier one of these days, well... don't hold your breath for long. I can't do this forever."
"YOU CAN'T EVEN DO IT ONCE."
"EXACTLY. I WON'T FUCKING ENABLE THIS."
"YOU WON'T FUCKING HELP ME."
"FUCK!"
The sun had gone down already, and the parking lot they still stood in had become strangely silent; the only sound, aside from the distant sounds of sirens as they came hurtling towards the hospital, was the heavy breathing of the two men standing apart, staring each other down.
"Fucking hell," Wampa choked out. "I don't know what to do here."
"She'll be out of town in a day or two Zyg," Evan sighed and took a step towards the bench. "And Ani's gonna be out of the hospital soon. Everything will die down again and we won't have to worry about it."
"This isn't the only time she'll come to town, and Ani will be in and out of the hospital for fucking ages. He's got at least three more of these procedures at the best, and I still don't think he'll ever walk again. How am I supposed to deal with her when she shows up if you don't handle this now?"
"She's my sister. Not yours. Let me decide how to deal with her."
Wampa was silent. And he wasn't entirely sure why. Perhaps it was because, for the past year or so, Wampa had seen Evan as a member of his family. His parents were as good as Evan's, his brothers and sisters practically his as well; there was no difference to his parents whether or not they had raised him or whether he was legally theirs, because Evan was as good as a son-in-law, which was the same as a son in the Jones' house. But, apparently, Evan didn't see Wampa the same way. Or maybe he just wasn't as serious as Wampa had thought he was in the first place.
A buzzing sound came from the bench. Wampa turned around. His phone was ringing.
"Fuck." He reached down and grabbed the phone off the bench. "Yeah?" A pause. "I'll be right up, Dad."
"What?" An urgent tone came into Evan's voice as he watched Wampa's brief phone conversation. "Is everything all right?"
"What do you think Evan?" Wampa sounded defeated as he looked back towards the main hospital building, and the ambulance that was peeling into the emergency room entrance. "After a fucking week of complications with Ani, he just keeps on fucking going."
"Hang on, I'll go with you."
"Why? There's no reason for you to come along." Wampa spit out his words spitefully. Evan looked dumbfounded. "He's my brother. Not yours."
"He's also my fucking friend, and if you're going to turn down any civil moment between us, then I don't know why I even try. Why have I fucking begged you to come back to me four times already? Why do I do this to myself when you have never returned the fucking favour Zyg? I love you, but I don't think you really love me back."
Wampa sighed angrily and clenched his fists. "FUCK," he screamed out again, and hurled his phone as hard as he could across the dark parking lot. It landed several yards away, and immediately shattered. Oh well. He could always get a new one. "For Christ's sake Evan. What the fuck is wrong with us? What's to become of us if our fights just turn into who can hurt each other more?"
"We're guys. I think it's just what we do."
"I miss you Evan." Wampa took a deep breath before continuing. His throat was starting to feel blocked, and Wampa was afraid he might actually start to cry. "Fuck, I miss you. I've been a fucking mess and impossible to deal with without you. And god damnit, I refuse to fucking cry right now." A smile broke out on Evan's face and he took a step toward Wampa. "I basically just plain suck without you. I love you Evan, and --" Before Wampa could continue, he was cut off by Evan's lips against his.
"I love you too," Evan whispered as he pulled away. "And I need you around. We can figure something out. I hope."
"How many more days until your sister's gone?"
"Day after tomorrow. But that doesn't matter, what's wrong with Ani?" Wampa grinned and grabbed Evan's hand to pull him towards the main hospital building.
"He fell out of his bed. He actually should have been released about a week ago, but he tried to take his chair down the stairs and fell out then, too. Come on, we've been giving him lots of shit for it, and you have to join in."